He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
