Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
