she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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