5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
