At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
