I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
