just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
