She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
