On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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