this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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