If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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