I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I will pee on everything he values.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
