I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
