Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
false alarm, still single
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
