Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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