I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
