yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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