somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
false alarm, still single
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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