God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
