omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
