Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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