The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
