At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
