All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
