I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
