Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
