i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
