there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
