I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
