i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
