I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
