Betty ford says i'm here all night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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