Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
pray to the hookup gods
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
