I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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