You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
