my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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