ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
