there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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