just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
