Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
