Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
