Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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