Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
