don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
