i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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