and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
