Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
