She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
