...so i touched it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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