I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
