I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
