i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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