just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
