nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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